sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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