dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
