if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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