Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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