I want to stick my p in your. b.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
