Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
