Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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