piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
