this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
