The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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