My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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