I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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