Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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