just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sarcasm needs its own font
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
