He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
