There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
