I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dear god my vagina.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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