so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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