my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
