Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
