theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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