By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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