I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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