I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
