he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize