Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
