Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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