I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
