I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
