you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And then my night got REAL pukey
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
