Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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