I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
