last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
