ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
