I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize