having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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