I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
