Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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