could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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