I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize