OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
