youre lurking in front of me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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