I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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