Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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