Moan for me like Helen Keller
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to make out with him forever
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
