bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
