hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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