Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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