This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
