I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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