The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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