Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
