Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
