You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
