I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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