i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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