she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
