Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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