dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
