My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
