We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
