It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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