you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
