My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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