So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
