you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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