I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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