3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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