I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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