We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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