kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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