She is in my trunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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