hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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