Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
