I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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