stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
