Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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